Letter to my Tailgater

Dear Tailgater:

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed me here on the road right in front of you. I know I’m driving a car much smaller than yours, but I do have my lights on, so surely you see me? Speaking of lights, do you have your hi-beams on, or is it just that you’re so @*&#ing close?! Oh sorry, am I holding you up? I guess I’m only doing the speed limit; that must really suck for you. What the…?! Oh man, I wouldn’t do that if I were you! Passing on a double solid line on this stretch of road? Don’t you know the cops are always sitting at the bottom of this hill? Geez, you must be doing 120! Oh, I see, you’re from Ontario… Listen man, you should trust the native drivers – we actually know what we’re d… Oh shit, see those flashing lights? Yeah, that’s a cop car – we’ve got those here too – uh, I think it’s a little too late to slam on your brakes. Yep, you’re busted. Bummer. Then again, with an SUV that size, you’re probably not too worried about a li’l ol’ ticket – a drop in the bucket compared to how much it must cost you to run that thing, eh? Hopefully they won’t take off too many points though. Hey, my turn to pass you! See you later! Maybe you’ll catch up again a little further down the road – then again, I might be home by the time you’re done here. Say Hi to Officer Bob for me!

Damn Island Driver

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